This week in Murican Bizarro Reality a leftist transgender activist gunman attacked a Chase Bank in Colorado Springs, CO and accidentally ended up in a nearby Planned Parenthood by mistake. The gunman is a mentally disturbed lone wolf, believe Muricans, who is not Christian at all, a Democrat who probably never heard of Jesus.
Once again we regular people have to go through a bizarre ritual that’s as productive as teaching a dog to talk: getting Muricans to see another point of view through reason.
“The videos were heavily edited to make a conversation about covering the expense of fetal tissue donation seem like Planned Parenthood was trying to profit from selling baby parts,” we say to Muricans who had only figured out well into adulthood that the man on TV who yells with flags behind him doesn’t actually live inside the TV.
“Only 3% of Planned Parenthood health services are abortion related. In fact, they provide so much birth control that if all Planned Parenthoods were shut down, there would be more abortions,” we say to the Muricans, who stopped after the 3 in our sentence to stare at the % sign they think is a crooked googly eyes emoji.
Then we hit them with the fact that “98% of all abortions occur in the first trimester.” Now we’re getting way too technical for Muricans who think a trimester is how fancy college commie intellectuals divide up their school year.
“Pro-lifers even harass patients at Planned Parenthood facilities that don’t offer abortions,” we tell them, thinking they’ll put two and two together and understand that the pro-life movement is less about abortion and more about controlling women and their sexuality, as in all cultures with a heavy fundamentalist religious influence. Even a sexist pig like Sloover can understand this, but not Muricans. And by the time we get to this point, Muricans have already left the discussion to masturbate to Joel Osteen.
Regular people, listen to me: it’s time we stop talking this way, like abortion is a “bad” thing. Abortion is not bad. Women who have abortions should not be ashamed, and men should never be ashamed to beg the women they knock up to get an abortion.
Abortions are good. And with what moral yardstick shall I measure abortion’s goodness?
First, when women can have access to safe healthy affordable abortion services, we have less unwanted, neglected children out there sucking up economic resources that are dwindling because Muricans are continually fooled into electing greedy asshole Ebeneezer Scrooges to office who represent the rich. Easy access to safe abortions help the poor. And the middle class. Also the rich. Children are a money pit.
Secondly, abortion is good for the environment. Every human being, especially those of us in the developed world, leaves a huge carbon footprint that speeds up our descent into a literal burning hellscape. The human race has so overpopulated the planet that we’re no better than a giant cancer. When I see Muricans yammering about the 58,000,000 babies killed by abortion in this country, I walk away from the computer screen, open my front door, walk out into the middle of my front yard, look up at the sky with the wind on my face, and say out loud for all the neighbors to hear, “Thank you, God. Thank you for abortion. And thank you for letting me live right here in America, where abortion is one hundred % legal.”
And that brings me to the final moral yardstick I will use to measure abortion’s goodness: The Bible.
As an article posted on evilbible.com points out, God is not pro-life. He has aborted fetuses himself, or advocated the same to his followers. He even goes further and kills actual already-been-born babies sometimes, or again, commands his followers do the same. I’m not at all in favor of killing live babies. God is way too liberal even for a godless commie like me.
Here’s libtard God being all about abortion while probably wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt and a gay scarf… from the evilbible.com article:
Hosea 13:16 God promises to dash to pieces the infants of Samaria and the “their women with child shall be ripped up”. Once again this god kills the unborn, including their pregnant mothers.
2 Kings 15:16 God allows the pregnant women of Tappuah (aka Tiphsah) to be “ripped open”. And the Christians have the audacity to say god is pro-life. How and the hell is it that Christians can read passages where God allows pregnant women to be murdered, yet still claim abortion is wrong?
And here’s where the same God worshipped by Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, and Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood mass murderer and right wing anti-Obama lunatic Robert Dear, literally kills live babies. Again I quote from evilbible.com
1 Samuel 15:3 God commands the death of helpless “suckling” infants. This literally means that the children god killed were still nursing.
Psalms 135:8 & 136:10 Here god is praised for slaughtering little babies.
Psalms 137:9 Here god commands that infants should be “dashed upon the rocks”.
And for every story about God telling Abraham to kill his son Isaac, and then being all “Psych naw I was just fucking with you Abe, don’t kill your son”, there’s a Judges 11:30-40, where “Jephthah killed his young daughter (his only child) by burning her alive as a burnt sacrifice to the lord for he commanded it.”
So there we have it, regular people of America. The next time you want to argue with Muricans about abortion, just tell them “Abortion is good, according to the Bible. If you want to burn in hell by opposing Planned Parenthood, that’s between you and God. I’ll pray for you. Have a blessed day.”