Press Release from my Doctor

Press release from my doctor:

“To Whom My Concern:

I have been the personal physician to Sloover since 1980. His health is, forgive these technical medical terms: astonishingly excellent.

Over the past 12 months, he hasn’t weighed himself because it doesn’t matter how much he weighs. He is sexy at any weight, according to all the ladies. His SAT scores are great. His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary: I once went on a hiking trip with him, and while I stopped to drink water, he lifted a really big rock and then spun it in his index finger, Harlem Globetrotter style.

His blood pressure is totally rad you guys. His liver could defeat an Olympic athelete’s liver in a triathalon. Sloover’s heart would defeat Neal Peart in a drumming contest, and his cholesterol is so mathematically perfect that Texas Instruments is going to make a calculator that runs on Sloover’s blood. He has no history of ever having drugs in his system during a blood or urine test.

If you elect to buy his Christmas album at, I can state unequivocally, that he will be the healthiest individual ever to offer downloadable music on the internet.

Donald Q. Quackenstein, BS
Doctor of Health
Don’s Checkups, Discount Needles, and Happy Pills on the DL
Saltsburg, PA”

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