by Maddy Judgeton
I was at home the other day just doing my thing, thinking about calling ICE on the cleaning lady because I could have SWORN there were more Q-Tips in that box. The Cable News was on and they had something on about some astronaut, and it got me to thinking.
“Maddy,” I said. “Now just what the heck are all those astronauts at NASA doing with my tax dollars?”
So I did what any Concerned Mom would do and got on the internet to look for things to be upset about. I went to NASA website and they had a page about the global warming, or climate change or whatever the heck they call it.
It turns out the ice caps could be completely melted during the summer by 2050. This will cause a global sea level rise that could mean billions of people displaced from coastal areas.
So we all went out to Fuddrucker’s for dinner on Saturday. When we got home I got Hayden and Aiden’s coats off, made them put their shoes in the closet, then made them go in their rooms and play video games for the rest of the night.
That’s when it began. Hubby carried Jayden, our toddler, into the house. He took off Jayden’s shoes and coat and PUT THEM ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!!!! THEN HE GOT HIMSELF A BEER!!!! AND SAT DOWN!!!! That’s when I said it. I said. “Can you help me out and put Jayden’s shoes and jacket in the closet at least?”
I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO ASK MY HUSBAND TO PUT A THING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE!!! WHY IS HE HAVING A BEER WHEN I WANT HIM TO DO ANOTHER THING AT AN EXACT MOMENT!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Besides displacing billions of people, the melting of the polar ice caps and the permafrost therein (caused by our burning of fossil fuels) releases methane currently trapped under the ice. This would very likely cause a feedback loop of even more CO2 into the atmosphere. This increases the risk of catastrophic consequences. Vast areas of fertile farmland may become desert, causing massive food shortages. Acidification of the oceans will result in the destruction of fisheries. And a reduction of fresh water will result from both the sea level rise and the rapid melting of glaciers. Yes, one effect of climate change could be millions of people dying of hunger and thirst.
Hubby never rinses his plate. NEVER RINSES HIS PLATE! He’s SUPPOSED to be an adult. If he wasn’t a child trapped in an adult’s body he’d know to rinse his plate, leave it in the sink, and then wait until Maria the cleaning lady comes by tomorrow to put it in the dishwasher. Instead he just puts it in the sink with streaks of whatever it was Blue Apron sent us this week. Just to sit there and dry, for like a whole 12-14 hours! Next thing you know Hayden, Aiden, and Jayden will get autism from some Mexican disease from cockroaches who illegally immigrated into my house because Hubby left them a plate caked with tomato chutney. Can’t get chutney in Mexico! What a male pig! IF HE WAS AN ADULT I WOULDN’T HAVE TO TELL HIM TO RINSE HIS PLATE! I guess his mother spoiled him. If he doesn’t automatically know what my exact cleanliness habits are, he is a baby and his mother is a failure. I HATE HIS MOTHER!
We are already seeing the effects of global climate change. Many people from the poorest regions are already considered refugees because of increased droughts, floods, and the increased severity of tropical storms. According to the UN Refugee Agency:
Thousands of others flee their homes in the context of slow-onset hazards, such as droughts or coastal erosion linked to sea level rise. There is high agreement among scientists that climate change, in combination with other drivers, is projected to increase displacement of people in the future.
And this could also lead to an increase in violent conflicts around the globe. From Wikipedia:
A variety of experts have warned that climate change may lead to increased conflict. The Military Advisory Board, a panel of retired U.S. generals and admirals, predicted that global warming will serve as a “threat multiplier” in already volatile regions. The Center for Strategic and International Studies and the Center for a New American Security, two Washington think tanks, have reported that flooding “has the potential to challenge regional and even national identities,” leading to “armed conflict over resources.” They indicate that the greatest threat would come from “large-scale migrations of people — both inside nations and across existing national borders.”
So, essentially in a matter of decades we could very likely be living in a hot, overcrowded planet with barely breathable air, acidified seas, and very limited amounts of food and water that we’ll all have to kill for. As close as a literal Hell on Earth as can be imagined.
Why are his dirty clothes on the floor! Last night after he was done with his BEER, he comes to bed. I was already in bed, with the lamp on, and my arms folded being angry because he hadn’t put everything in the right place at the exact time I wanted him to, hadn’t played with Jayden at the exact moment I thought he should have, or rinsed his plate. AGAIN! So he takes his clothes off and DOESN’T EVEN PUT THEM IN THE HAMPER. Just LEAVES THEM ON THE FLOOR.
He crawled into bed, got under the covers, and closed his eyes. I glared at him, seething with hatred for his contentment, incensed that he didn’t know exactly what I was thinking.
“HAMPER!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The children began to moan softly in their beds.
His eyes shot open and looked confused, even horrified. I drank in his fear and enjoyed it the way he enjoyed that beer earlier. If he would have been raised and not spoiled to death by his mother, he would have known that I, a mature adult, was about to throw a fit because he didn’t put his clothes in the hamper for Maria to wash in the morning.
“What?” he said like an idiot I hate.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER!!!! HAMPER!!! THEY GO IN THE HAMPER!!!!”
Then he said something that proves he doesn’t love me any more and he’s probably thinking about beating the children: “Don’t worry about it, that’s what we pay Maria for.”
I punched him in the face as hard as I could and turned over and fell fast asleep.
And on top of all that, we didn’t even make love that night! We never make love any more. It’s his fault for not romancing me!
Well that’s it, ladies! Next time, I’m never asking him to read my mind at all times, I’m TELLING him! #empowered
In closing, here’s a tweet from the Director of Coral Reef Studies at the Australian Research Council’s Centre of Excellence: