Since Pittsburgh Police ride horses, Pittsburgh Fire Fighters should get to ride elephants

Yes you can pet the very necessary horsie

Hey Pittsburgh,

As long as we have police on horses in 2019, why don’t we have fire fighters on elephants?

It’s a mystery to everyone why the Pittsburgh Mounted Unit (uh huh huh) even exists. The unit was cut in 2003 and returned to the city in 2018.

A common reaction to people on the street to the Pittsburgh Mounted Unit is, “What the fuck? Kids can’t even get school supplies!”

Councilwoman Darlene Harris gave this reason to the Post-Gazette last year “There’s always been something about the officers on horses. When the horses come, people move.”

But let’s also examine this with a brain that hasn’t been damaged by lead in the drinking water. Here’s a table to help you understand why there’s just as much reason to have a Mounted on Elephants Fire Fighters Unit as there is to have a Mounted Police Unit (uh huh huh).

Why Police Have Horses

Does the same rationale apply to Fire Fighters having elephants?

Can be trained to follow commands YES
Much slower to get to the scene than motor vehicles YES
leave giant piles of shit on the street YES
would be much happier in a meadow YES
Can tell people it’s for a “better view for crowd control” when that only works in New Orleans during Mardi Gras YES
Because it’s cool YES
In no way helps Puts fires out with trunk

See?

 

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