As long as we have police on horses in 2019, why don’t we have fire fighters on elephants?
It’s a mystery to everyone why the Pittsburgh Mounted Unit (uh huh huh) even exists. The unit was cut in 2003 and returned to the city in 2018.
A common reaction to people on the street to the Pittsburgh Mounted Unit is, “What the fuck? Kids can’t even get school supplies!”
Councilwoman Darlene Harris gave this reason to the Post-Gazette last year “There’s always been something about the officers on horses. When the horses come, people move.”
But let’s also examine this with a brain that hasn’t been damaged by lead in the drinking water. Here’s a table to help you understand why there’s just as much reason to have a Mounted on Elephants Fire Fighters Unit as there is to have a Mounted Police Unit (uh huh huh).
Why Police Have Horses
Does the same rationale apply to Fire Fighters having elephants?
|Can be trained to follow commands||YES|
|Much slower to get to the scene than motor vehicles||YES|
|leave giant piles of shit on the street||YES|
|would be much happier in a meadow||YES|
|Can tell people it’s for a “better view for crowd control” when that only works in New Orleans during Mardi Gras||YES|
|Because it’s cool||YES|
|In no way helps||Puts fires out with trunk|