On the night of the Iowa Caucuses I had a dream that Bernie Sanders did surgery on me. He cut open a little door on the back right side of my head. Cut into the skin and skull and opened it up just like a door. Then he shot a few electrical pulses into my brain with some kind of instrument I couldn’t see (since it was behind me) but I got a feeling was shaped like a soldering gun.
I’m not sure what they did. It was Dr. Bernie Sanders and an assistant, who might have been Ben Carson but I doubt it. However that would have been funnier, so I should have just went with Carson for the purposes of an entertaining dream recounting.
Dr. Bernie Sanders and his assistant explained to me that the whole purpose of the surgery was to see if they could weld the door shut properly. Even having just had my brain fried with electrical pulses, I was rational enough not to believe their explanation for my brain surgery.
A vague amount of time went by in the dream, and it occurred to me to ask Dr. Sanders a question about my surgery. My question was: what symptoms might arise after such a surgery that I should be concerned and call you about? I was in the lobby of a catholic church I went to as a child. And I saw Dr. Bernie Sanders pass through and wave to some cameras, as people gathered round him. He passed quickly through the lobby and gave one of his nerdy awkwards smiles and went out the door. He didn’t seem to notice me, a person he had just performed some kind of brain experiment on dream-moments before.
(what happened here was my brain was taking memories of moments at the end of mass, where the congregants would file out and shake the priest’s hand and share a few words. In fact I think Bernie wore a purple scarf. The priests used to wear purple vestments at different times of the year).
But since it was the night of the Iowa caucuses, both in real life and in my dream, I figured I would ask Dr. Sanders questions about my electrical-pulse-directly-on-my-brain-via-a-door-through-the-back-of-my-head surgery at a later time.
There wasn’t any kind of satisfying conclusion. It’s a dream, not a story.
It could be that the Clintons bought ad space in my psyche and they’re trying to convince me Bernie Sanders is brainwashing me.
In reality I just support Bernie Sanders so girls will notice me. Thanks Gloria Steinem.